An Address of Grievance
by antiassasinguy
Summary: Uzumaki Naruto is a big fan of his own manga, Naruto, but from chapters 250 and onwards, he gets dissatisfied. Now, 90 chapters later, he decides to send a letter to the maestro himself... Crack!Fic humor is dry and English. Expect bashing. LOTS of it.


Disclaimer: I do not own, Naruto, This idea popped into my head when I received so many e-mails stating that Kishimoto was being an unreasonable little dick of a person.

_An Address of Grievance_

Uzumaki Naruto was not a happy camper. No way in hells, was this young man at the age of fifteen a happy camper. No _friggin'_ way was he happy. Standing underneath the shade of a tree, his form slightly leaning against the wooden bark, he was frowning, his mouth contorted into a most incredible pout, and his eyes were almost shining red with the Kyuubi's taint; not that he was about to lose control or anything. Right now. He was _way _off that stage. Well. Not so much way off, but he was still petty much pissed.

And it was all thanks to that little piece of monkey turd that was a manga that he had held in his hand. One eyebrow twitching, and his hands shaking, the container of the Kyuubi gripped the pages of the 150-odd page manga. Nearby, all ninja that were within a 100 metre radius of Naruto now proceeded to move an extra 50 metres away, lest they get friend or get their heads bitten off by the blonde-haired teenager. Naruto, shaking, then proeeded with his anger management class' way of handling things: he destroyed said object that caused him anger and torment.

The way he managed his hate would have made Sasuke proud.

And so, the manga now cleanly ripped in half, the blonde teenager glared at the title that was present upon the cover of the manga: _Naruto_.

And that was when he decided to write a letter.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

_Dear Masashi Kishimoto aka "Person who I now despise more than Sasuke"_

_How are you, kind sir? Fine, I hope; I wouldn't like it if you had fallen upon a stake of burning steel which would pierce your heart and then kill you, or see you slip on a banana peel that somebody had left, only to have it kill you as you fall down the stairs and break every bone in your miserable body, and thus cause you to die a slow death due to internal bleeding. Well, I do, but that is very much besides the point here. The point? Well, I am going to get to that, so just be patient; I still have to ramble and destroy a couple of training areas before I even think about jumping to a point in my conclusion that I finally get to say that you practically suck. Wait, I said that already, didn't I? Well, gimme a sec; I gotta destroy a couple of Training Areas to vent my frustrations, lest I go over there and rip your skull out of your head._

_Okay, I'm back, and right now, I'm feeling very much better, no thanks to you. You have to thank those Chuunins who hate me, though. Gave them a chance to beat me up; instead, I broke every bone in their single body; and I imagined that every single one of them was you. Yup, I hate you very much. A lot._

_Alright, so you want the point of me sending in this letter to you? Well, for starters, it's about how the manga starring yours truly as a star, has turned out. Frankly out, I hate it now. And you don't see me heating something just for the geist of it. I take into consideration of what I hate: for example; I hate Sasuke. Sasuke is a bastard who deserves to fall down a cliff and break his neck. But then again, Sasuke is an emo who would probably enjoy the sensation of death. Meh, emos; go figure. The manga, Mr Kishimoto, has been a truly good experience to star in; I've read it through and through, and I honestly can say that for the first 250 chapters, I actually enjoyed it; No. not because I starred in it; I'm not _that_ much of an egotist, unlike that idiot Kakashi (Never figured him out, and don't want to; has issues that I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole; classfies as emo-in-denial)._

_But after that, though, I seem to have lost the excitement and the thrill that I felt whenever I turned the pages of manga. And that's saying a lot, since I don't feel a lot of exceitement or exhilaration when I usually read books. However, yours was a clear exception. The manga of me (Yay, I'm a star!) and my chronicles was incredibly awesome, and I thank you for the fact that I have turned into a star (Outside Konoha, anyway, in here, I'm still broken inside). _

_However, I mus detest the fact that you have twisted the manga from that time onwards into a mould of of play-doh that is gooey and squishy and something that not many people will touch. And that's saying a lot. I hate hyou now; you know why? Because you twisted every single event that had happened in my life to suit the development of _your versions_ of me, the Great Naruto-sama, Man, where do I even begin? Oh yeah, after we found out that Gaara was captured and blah-blah… NEWSFLASH! I am not that bloody emotional! You made me cry and cry and give a speech about how Gaara was in pain and everything and that I was this little wiener who couldn't hold a candle to the Kazekage's absolute coolness (Don't tell Gaara I said that; he kinda looks up to me, it's be pretty damn embarrassing if he found out I thought he was cool). Of course, I said that he didn't deserve it, but I specifically remember saying:_

"_Gaara and me are the same; he's my brother, and I will save him, even if it costs my life."_

_But NOOO! You had to turn me into some sappy kid who just cries about the unfairness of life and all that crybaby mush-mush stuff! I do coolness; NOT crying. After all, you guys in Japan see me on your lunchboxes almost everyday of your lives; on billboards and making that ad for ramen (Which, by the way, is so much cooler than you! Nyeh!). Oh, come on; and like I'd just spill the beans to Temari like that (Well, she knows now, anyway, and has been stalking me… like the Hinata of your manga). Oh, and Hinata is complaining that she isn't shy, or at least, that shy. And that she looks at me as a brother. Period. Yeah, period. Well, I enjoyed shy Hinata, so I'm not going to say anything to you, lest she send Neji after my behind… again._

_Oh, and guess where I was up to when my anger and hate towards you reach incredibly volcanic level? Yup, you guessed it; the part where you made me learn a new jutsu from Kakashi. Newsflash; I already had a badass Jutsu. And what was it with me using Oodama Rasengan to wham Itachi into oblivion? And then just to find out it's a bloody copy?! Look, buddy, I dunno what planet you're on, but I, the Great Ninja Uzumaki Naruto, managed to actually force Uchiha Itachi (the real life one, not the copies of that Jutsu you created just so you could extend your plot) into a stalemate! Yup, that's me! I FORCED him to withdraw. I guess a hidden kunai up your ass (I mean his, not mine) was actually a good thing for once (Sennen Goroshi was my most painful experience… and now my most potent weapon… except against… you know, _those _kind of people). So, back to the Jutsu… why the Hell did it take me so long just to figure out my element? I mean, don't you at least know that I've known it since I went off with Jiraiya? Man, you're behind on the times. And my Jutsus name? Uzumaki no Jutsu. I conjure a tornado of titanic proportions and destroy a whole village with it. Yup, SOOOOO much cooler than your Jutsu._

_I hated that new Shuriken-thingy. Makes my eyes sore. My Jutsu is much cooler; and only requires 2 seals. Tiger and then Ram. And then… massive destruction. Can't figure out how to make the destruction stop, though. Uzually, if I just lose consciousness it disappears, so when I think I've caused enough chaos, Jiraiya knocks me out with a bat. Or Sakura just bashes my head in. No offense to Sakura, but Jiraiya was an MLB star-hitter once, yes he was. The called him "The Perv"'cause he always made it past first base. And therefore, he hits harder._

_Much harder._

_And lastly, to the latest manga chapters. And just when I thought you couldn't make my life plunge further into the arms of chaos; you made my girlfriend pregnant._

_With my rival's kids. My NUMBER ONE SUPER ETERNAL RIVAL SARUTOBI ASUMA?! WITH MY WOMAN?_

_Aw, man, that was the last straw. And so, I write this letter to you. Oh, Kurenai's here, she says… "I hate you, Masashi-san, and I will one day kick you between the legs". Wow. She only does that to Kakashi. She must really despise you. Well, you deserve it because you got your facts about us here in the Shinobi Continent wrong, you twit! Ah well. You know what? If you don't modify the manga to suit a better and more closely-oriented storyline to ours, you can kiss our deal goodbye. I mean it. Really, I do._

_And I don't care about that chocolate factory._

_Iruka does. Never seen a man so happy just 'cause he's had chocolate for every meal of the day for the last 2 years. And how does he not get fat? Man, he should tell Chouji his secret! Ciao anyways, and remember, fix your story, or I'll fix you a knuckle sandwich. With onions. And English mustard. And jalapeno sauce._

Lots_ of jalapeno sauce. Well, I have to go. Kurenai's beating up Asuma and Sasuke._

_Again._

_Signed, the guy who may turn into your Mortal Enemy and sic Kyuubi on you,_

_Uzumaki Naruto,_

_Future Hokage, Presently ANBU Captain, Former Fan of you works and Badass for Eternity!_

_P.S._

_Asuma likes your latest chapters. And uses them as ammo against me. Please, send him to Hell or something in your next couple of chapters. And Sasuke says he likes you making him so badass. Please, make me beat him to a pulp. Or make Sakura kick him between the legs. Hard._

_P.P.S._

_Kurenai wishes to say that she, in no way would screw Asuma. Kakashi, maybe… HEY!_

_P.P.P.S._

_If you want the couples that are actually REAL: they are, me and Kurenai (Yes, she's 15 years older, so what? If you've been that hot for 10 years who cares?!), Sasuke and Anko (Don't ask me. Just don't ask me… I've enough nightmares babysitting their kids), Sakura and Lee (He got drunk. She got drunk. The end), Kiba and Shizune (Turns out she likes it doggy-style), Gai and Tsunade (I'm not even going to touch this one), Kakashi and his hand (He calls it Jennifer Lopez; I don't get it), Neji and Temari… and probably Ino too (Ino likes Temari… and Temari likes Neji… and Neji just likes women. I'm not going to elaborate on that), and Shikamaru and Hinata (Yup, I set them UP! Go me!)… and Shino has a picture of Sasuke's mom… and Tenten (I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!). Asuma is a playboy… an unsuccessful one; and me and him get into fights all the time (Maybe 'cause of the fact that we're both the only two wind users since the Yondaime Hokage)._

_P.P.P.P.S._

_Kyuubi says it's in love with your works._

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Three weeks later, Uzumaki Naruto got a reply:

_Dear Mr Uzumaki Naruto_

_We appreciate the time and effort that you have taken to write of your current situation, however-_

Crumpling up the letter, Naruto threw it into the bin.

And then he grinned…

/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"Good morning, Mr Kishimoto." A messenger said.

"Ah, good morning Mr Messenger."

"I have a package for you."

"Very well, hand it over." He signed for it, setting the parcel on the table.

_Well, I wonder- _his thought was cut short, however, when the delivered package of explosive notes went off.

Recuperating in the hospital, he thought maybe he should have listened.


End file.
